Friday, December 14, 2007
Lenin's Tomb Bans Christmas posted by Richard Seymour
I think I'll issue this is a press-release: In another gesture of Political Correctness Gone Mad, the trendy left-wing blog Lenin's Tomb this morning declared that it was unilaterally imposing a ban on Christmas. From 08:00 on 14th December 2007, all references to santy claus and decorations and gifts for distant relatives will be consigned to the historical dustheap. "I don't intend to replace it with 'Winterval'," the Huntington Life Sciences reject said, "or any other bollocks you've got in the pipeline. All efforts at 'cheer' and 'sharing' and 'bonhomie' and 'good-will', or any other seasonal affectation, will result in a blind date with a firing squad. You can forget it, and fuck off while you're at it." The move reflects a growing consensus in the author's head that life's good times rarely coincide with national holidays, permitted time away from work, family togetherness, ITV specials, council mandated carol singing, and lights on Oxford Street. "In fact," the grinch-like layabout added, "simulating coordinated happiness is the hallmark of 'totalitarian' regimes everywhere. Look at America, they're never done smiling, and everyone fucking hates them. No offense, obviously. I don't insist on misery, but I think an element of realism is called for. When people say, ''Tis the season to be jolly,', the least that could be expected is for someone to say, 'is it really? Have you seen the state of the economy? Do you know how many children died while you were saying that? Can I detain you with the latest news of what death squads have done in Iraq? Did you know that there's shit in your hamburgers? What possible grounds could there be for this snow-based jocundity? Happy fucking Xmas? I'll give you happy fucking Xmas you solipsistic toad. Take your pleasantries and your pieties back to the house and remember me when you're committing auto-erotic asphyxiation while pleasuring the dog. And don't forget the mistletoe parked above my arse.' That's all I would ask."
PS: A CD collection of Tomb rants will be on general release from next week, available in no good shops. And, with wearisome predictability, it will raise money for 'charity'.
Labels: lenin's tomb bans christmas