Turn Again, Malik. posted by Richard Seymour

Let me tell you about this guy. Shahid Malik is an interesting politician: and by interesting I mean, of course, dismally dull. This is by no means unique among New Labour apparatchiks and he deserves no special criticism for it. He is fairly right-wing, but that isn't exactly a novelty these days either. It is worth remembering that his successful promotion from CRE commissioner to Labour NEC member to MP for Dewsbury was a success, however limited, for British Muslims - or, as it would have been until a few years ago, British Asians. Sadiq Khan MP is the only other British born Muslim MP. (Salma Yaqoob will be the next). It was their struggle that made it possible for Malik to rise to prominence. Quite literally, in one way. For he was a relative nonentity, a New Labour careerist, until during the Bradford riots he tried to mediate between demonstrators and police, and the police decided to kick his head in. His bloodied face appeared all over the television news. He subsequently made some mild criticisms of the frothingly reactionary comments made by David Blunkett over the riots. There's been some controversy over exactly how sturdy his opposition to the war in Iraq was, but one could infer that the growing confidence of British Muslims in activity against the war contributed to his success.

He remains a careerist and as far as New Labour is concerned, they appear to expect him to Root Out the Evil Ideology in the Muslim Community while spiriting in the premises of neoliberalism. He has been of some use to the government in criticising mainstream Muslim leaders over their criticism of UK foreign policy in relation to the 7/7 attacks, while his questions in parliament have been softball - stuff about energy accreditation schemes, youth training and wild bird imports. He has never rebelled against the government, and has even supported controversial policies such as nuclear power, ID cards, the Crossrail scheme, and measures to reduce parliamentary scrutiny of legislation. He has done the rounds in various committees. He was on Gordon Brown's Economic Policy Committee at one time, was then on the Home Affairs Committee for about a year until 18th July 2006 and is now PPS to Jim Knight at the Department for Education and Skills. He is undoubtedly seen in New Labour's ranks as a Bright Young Thing (and I suppose two out of three isn't all that bad).

But he stepped out line recently when he signed a letter criticising UK foreign policy in light of the recent 'terror plot' scare. The Mirror described it as "Muslim blackmail", as did the fash. UK ministers contemptuously dismissed the letter, and there must have been some serious words behind closed doors: "Shahid, you're supposed to be one of us! It's bollocks, Shahid, we're not going to be held to ransom, you know! You're supposed to support government policy, you jumped up little wanker - do you want the next 'promotion' to be a trip to the fucking Sports Minister's desk? Eh? Who fucking fixed you up with Dewsbury when they fucked you in Burnley, eh? Sort it out!" And so he did.

Shahid wrote a very penitent article for the Sunday Times, entitled "If you want sharia law, you should go and live in Saudi". He wants to explain this to some of the more pushy advocates of sharia in Saudi Arabia - they don't think the House of Saud has quite the right idea about it. Anyway, in the article Malik says he came out of chatting politics with Prescott one day when he was:

immediately asked by the media whether I agreed that what British Muslims needed were Islamic holidays and sharia (Islamic law). I thought I had walked into some parallel universe.

Sadly this was not a joke. These issues had apparently formed part of the discussion the day before between Prescott, Ruth Kelly, the communities minister, and a selection of “Muslim leaders”. I realised then that it wasn’t me and the media who were living in a parallel universe — although certain “Muslim leaders” might well be.

I know, sharia law! It's that awful thing various evildoers get up to. They make you wear some unseasonal item of clothing so that you can do suicide bombings, innit? It's in the papers. You'd have to be careful wearing it about the house. Next thing you know, you might have to fly next to one of them. Outraged, Malik goes on to describe Muslim leaders as out "of touch with reality, frightened to propose any real solutions for fear of 'selling out', but always keen to exact a concession — a sad but too often true caricature of some so-called Muslim leaders." Tell em, Shahid. He goes on: "Other members of the Muslim community I am sure would have cringed as I did when listening to Dr Syed Aziz Pasha, secretary-general of the Union of Muslim Organisations of the UK and Ireland, who explained his demand for sharia and more holidays: 'If you give us religious rights we will be in a better position to convince young people that they are being treated equally along with other citizens.'" Islamic holidays, Islamic law - why can't they be satisfied with Christmas in Belmarsh? Malik goes on to expatiate on the privileges of living in Britain, and then essays on the responsibility of Muslims who live in Britain: "given that these acts are carried out in the name of our religion — Islam — we have a greater responsibility not merely to condemn but to confront the extremists."

Allow me to gently relieve that sweating knot of muscle around your anus: there is going to be no sharia law, nor even Islamic holidays. Pasha alone made the suggestion, others said 'perhaps not' and the discussion moved on. The entire basis for Malik's confected outrage was as slight as that. However, the Blairite blogs have absolutely lapped it up, because as threadbare as the thing is for argument, it says everything they would have wished to and wags a stern finger at Muslims in ways that they might themselves find difficult to do. "Yesss," they hissed gleefully to themselves as they read the piece, "finally one of Them has said it!" HP Sauce has demanded a 'new leadership' for Muslims in this country, one perhaps so bold as Malik - because they are simply brimming with concern and compassion for Muslims. A certain New Labour blog that I happened on yesterday has practically creamed itself at Malik's ruminations. My left-wing friend Stephen Pollard instantly evacuated his bowels and made another blog post. Some bloggers calling themselves Muscular Liberals have executed countless one-armed reps over the whole thing. Such excitement over such a little thing.