"Commodity fetishism" posted by Richard Seymour

Chris Bayliss writes to alert me to a product and request that I write a post about it. I won't link to it or give you its name (because I am an austere Bolshevik), but suffice to say it involves a musical application with an unusual extension. The auxiliary component is a compact unit that one inserts into a tight, moist, rosy little orifice, and it vibrates in sympathy with the music. This is a real product and it is for sale. For thirty pounds (no refunds). Pachabel's Canon will raise you slowly and gently to the company of seraphim, while The Prodigy's Smack My B**** Up will jerk around violently inside you. I don't even want to imagine what sensations would accrue to such classics as Grandma, We Love You, My Old Man's a Dustman, Baaah Baaah Black Sheep and Like A Virgin.

I suppose once you've done all the household pets and plants, the technology has to get hit eventually, but this technology is solely for complementing contemporary 'music' videos if you ask me, (and by music I mean that total shit that all you little bastards with baby-sitting money pay for). Just the sort of device one needs for a viewing of Adam Rickitt's next sixpack-fest or the most recent Sugababes flop. Now, I'm off to spend an entertaining evening with Prince. I may not know much about music, but I knows what I like, and I knows where I can stick it.