The Guardian and Blair's New Year Message. posted by Richard Seymour

The Guardian is an odd institution. You like to think it deals with issues in a serious manner, then suddenly something happens and it goes all gorblimey. The Princess Di issue sent it over the top, advancing further than even the beacons of reaction dared to. The main thing that happens, however, is that it just runs out of steam and lapses into newspaper cliche mode. Today, the Guardian is actually reporting as news that revellers were set to welcome the new year in!
Damn their pasty-white butts, I would never have imagined in a hundred years that all those people who miraculously appear on the streets EVERY SINGLE YEAR at EXACTLY THE SAME DATE had anything to do with NEW YEAR CELEBRATIONS!!

But the best news today is Blair's speech . Blair´s message for 2004 is as follows, and pay close attention because it´s a cracker:

'I will not falter'

Ho ho ho!! Well, how long did it take him to think of that one? He must have been in the Cabinet Office with all his bumlicking colleagues, discussing the pros and cons:

"Well, quite frankly, I was thinking of having a major fuck-up this year. What do you all think?"

"Focus group evidence shows people don´t like fuck ups unless it saves them tax money, Tony."

"Hmmm. Okay, what if I say 'I won´t fuck up'."

"No, no, Prime Minister, that sounds too much like 'I won´t shut the fuck up'. People won´t like that at all. Polling data from the Yougov website shows..."

"Alright, alright! How about 'I WILL NOT FALTER'?"

"Magnificent, Prime Minister!"

"He's a genius!"


You will have gathered, I'm sure, that what Tony Blair means is not exactly what is directly implied by his headlines. When he says, "I will not falter", he seems to mean, "I'm going to do whatever the bloody hell I like, and noone can stop me. Exterminate! Exterminate!"

He evokes, as he always does, the "difficult choices" which he has to make. We are supposed to simper and go "aaawe, bless". But he promises to do exactly what he has always done and disregard everyone else. He will go ahead with tuition fees which are - get this - "free at the point of study, fair at the point of repayment"! He will continue the occupation of Iraq, regardless of how unloved it is. He will continue to privatise whatever he can get his grasping little hands on.

In other words, Blair's New Year Message is "Fuck You All!"

Happy New Year.