Conspiracy Theory posted by Richard Seymour

Suppose I rip off a little theory imparted to me by someone who shall remain nameless because it wouldn't be a rip-off otherwise, and suggest that there was more to the vote on tuition fees than meets the eye? Not mere spinelessness, although a heavy dose of that, but also a carefully judged ploy by the New Prince and his court jesters to bring the rebellion tumbling down like so many lego bricks.

Imagine Tony Blair spies disaster in the offing with both Labour MPs and opposition parties capable of uniting to wreck his latest Flagship Policy, and invites a respected but dismally boring MP into his office for a chat. They talk about how much this bill is going to hurt the government, whether it succeeds or fails. The MP is loyal, and amiable, and what is more he is highly regarded by liberals who might otherwise be moderately suspicious of the government. Tony talks him round the issues, what is at stake for the government, how it could only be avoided by a resounding success for the bill. And suddenly, as if he'd thought of the idea himself, our loyal MP says:

"Well, what if you let me join the rebels? Let me pretend to be their most dedicated and principled spokesman, the one who won't buckle no matter what concessions the Chancellor delivers from his sack. Being a former cabinet member, with no major tarnishes to speak of, they would be hard pressed to turn away from me. Now, then, say I suddenly 'return to the fold' as it were, at the last second, citing aforementioned concessions and my enduring concern for the wellbeing of the Party. That would be certain to send a great shattering crack through any coalition of dissent."

And Blair says:

"Well, there was no need to be fucking wordy about it, Nick, but I take your point."

And over a glass or two of Kristal, they proceed to call in their political advisers, pore over the details and evolve a strategy...

Nick Brown, the mole? Too much? Would he be clever enough? Before you think about that, think about this: our government is the most fanatical government we've had in years. It has a proven track record of steamrolling legislation through parliament that is both unpopular and unsound, that will cost the public more money, that will reduce efficiency and that will lose votes. This is not the pragmatic, consensus building government of hazy liberal dreams. Tony Blair has a labrador's sense of loyalty to his business allies, and a gut loathing of everything that "has been" about Britain. His coterie of advisers are strict free marketeers, privatisers, heavy political operators. They have sacraficed much to go to war on Iraq, and almost as much to go to war on students and pensioners. And Nick Brown, whatever his reputation, is Tony Blair with the interesting bits removed.

At any rate, governments act in this way all the time. They conspire. It is in the nature of power to dissemble when its interests fail to coincide with those it is answerable to.

If, however, it were true, we're still left with the dismal fact that 85 percent of Labour MPs voted in favour of this bill. May their bodies be torn asunder and their empty skulls used as piss-pots for all eternity.