The Darkness Must Die!! posted by Richard Seymour

Another Reason Why a Neutron Bomb Could Be Fun!


They didn't get to Christmas number one with their lacklustre retro horseshit, well boo-fucking-hoo. All those people who went out and bought the CD because it was sooooo fucking hilarious and camp should be ripping out their teeth in shame. Gary Jules' beautiful rendition of "Mad World" was clearly the better single even if it wasn't very "Christmassy" as the Darkness lead whined on a BBC interview.

I've been into most kinds of music, and I mean that term rather loosely. In my youth, I danced like a melon to Betty Boo and Sister Sledge. I grovelled at the altar of the tasteless, hoovering up every nugget of vomitous drivel they chucked my way. And yet I have never seen anything so dire, so tuneless, so absolutely inexplicable in its appeal as The Darkness.

Tell me, anyone who's ever liked any kind of rock, what is it about them? I used to listen to glam-rock, and Seventies music. If you read this message and think "lenin doesn't like Seventies glam", YOU'LL BE WRONG. But I usually insist that it has some tune, and that the main performer isn't some overgrown choirboy with a twatty face covered in craters.

Yes, yes, yes. It's soooo ironic and cheeky. And you lap it up like the sour tarts that you are.

Fuck off and die, you miserable, mediocre geeks.

Happy Xmas.