The Stars Fell to Earth... posted by Richard Seymour

Well, I checked the astrological columns for September 11th 2001, and not one of them said "stay away from aircraft and large buildings". I think that's a pretty big omission. Theodor Adorno, in "The Stars Down to Earth", was the first to systematically analyse the "horoscope columns". He argued that while the columns were carefully calibrated to suit a particular audience (for instance, the Metro's Metroscope by David Wells often refers to problems "at the workplace" or "with colleagues", the convenient assumption being that if there are unemployed Libras out there, they don't hang around train stations at the early hours of morning to pick up their copy of the Metro), the columns nevertheless constructed an ideal addressee. The addressee was "a superior person", involved in important decisions. While educational qualifications were rarely invoked, the addressee's "unique gifts", "personal charm" and "magnetism" were usually referred to.

The individual reader was instructed to resolve problems by delving into her own resources. At the same time, she was powerless because her fate was determined by the stars. In fact, the astrological columns confer "metaphysical dignity" on the impersonal social forces which negatively impact lives by attributing them to movements in the cosmos. The individual will be just fine, it is implied, provided she is aware of the inevitability of events and moves to adjust herself to reality accordingly. In this way, social conformity is encouraged.

Osama bin Laden's doe-eyed deadliness, just as much as George Bush's feckless aggression, is written in the stars. I thought it would be instructive to see what the stars were telling us today on the second anniversary of the attacks on America. It seems that there is a general recognition that these are worrying times.

"The past few days have been tense enough..." Shelly von Strunckel tells Librans in the Evening Standard. Metro's David Wells tells the same group "It's time for a little subterfuge". It would seem, in fact, that readers are likely to be nervouce wrecks, who need assurance and calming down. Von Strunckel assures Capricorn that although "nothing exasperates you more than being faced with somebody who refuses to discuss matters rationally", the "current mood will increase your compassion."

David Wells tells his Leo readers: "Be ready to give someone a concise and well reasoned answer when they ask you how things are going. Drama is not required here."

If necessary, seek solace: "Trust your gut reaction in... buying a new pair of shoes just because someone upsets you!" (Wells).

The tone of most horoscopes today is soothing, calming.

"Complete conviction is dangerous... so relax, the rest will come..." Jonathan Cainer tells Cancerians. Virgo is similarly instructed: "You need to be optimistic..." Scorpio needs to relax and "Let a gentler voice be heard today..." Capricorn "ought to be planning optimistically". Aquarius is lauded for "being very brave", and is now preparing herself "for a moment of triumph".

Others are offered little personal tips to resolve any stress they're having. Wells tells Gemini to "polish up a people problem".

Astrology.com starts the Bush Presidential campaign, telling Scorpios, "Benevolent despots show why they deserve to be in power". Scorpio shouldn't worry because "The pleasure principle is tilting the day in your favor."

Sally Brompton in the New York Post tells her fellow city-dwellers to "throw yourself into your work and your social life", but "don't push yourself too hard" because "Health is more important now than ambition." To Scorpios inclined to argumentative behaviour, she urges: "You don't have to believe what your friends believe, but you do have to listen politely when they try to explain their point of view. Good manners cost nothing. " Capricorn is being watched by her superiors, so she'd better "smarten up and really make a good impression."

And finally, people are urged to adopt stoical faith and a wariness of others in the face of troubles:

Von Strunckel tells Aquarius: "If you think others are wrong, stick to your guns", while Sally Brompton tells Post reading Aquarians that "Happiness and security can never be found through other people". She tells Pisces that "Today's Mercury-Pluto aspect will give you just the right amount of ruthlessness to cut the ties that bind and free yourself from those who do not share your aims and ideals. "

Leo is told: "No matter how much you may trust the people you deal with, don't agree to anything unless you have solid guarantees. Better still, don't agree to anything at all."


The addressee is encouraged to be assertive but not argumentative; friendly but not trusting; vigorous and impressive but not overstretching it. In the face of stresses imposed by the external world, refuge and subterfuge is encouraged. Seek solace, take it easy, the people at the top know what they're doing and you'd better impress them, people around you are untrustworthy and unreliable, the world is a hostile frightening place in which the only way to survive is to conform absolutely and completely to the etiquette and requirements of the workplace.